Creativity on the Quick

I like to think of myself as creative. 

I enjoy doing things like putting words together into stories, doodling drawings, and doing photography and photoshopping pics.

Creativity is important. Creativity is important to me.

I occasionally like to get on my high horse and gently scold people who declare themselves to be "not creative", pointing out that creativity takes many different forms, and that things we don't automatically think of as creative - like cooking - are actually replete with creativity. And that we should just try new, fun, creative things without expectation or judgement.

Oh, hey, yeah! The person replies in an astonished voice because this is a take they clearly have not thought about before. They nod. Any unexpected hope quickly coloured by doubt. Then they go on their way - not really able to truly accept this perspective, relieved to be able to let it go and to revert back to 'common sense' - unchanged in their opinions. 

And I will shrug a shoulder and go on my way, keeping creativity clearly foregrounded in my life.

Except...

Except that. 

Except that it's been a slow realisation that I'm actually pretty resistant to many different forms of creativity.

As in - I will NOT allow myself to even try them. Or, if I do, I criticise my efforts mercilessly. 

This is for creative activities that I (paradoxically) think of as fun. Like painting. or watercolours, or playing with clay. 

But I refuse to try them wholeheartedly. 

Actually, truthfully, I'm probably afraid to try them wholeheartedly. 

If I think about why, a bunch of ready reasons bubble up. Because I'm afraid that I will be VERY, VERY BAD at them. And that I will HATE the results. And I don't want to know that I suck at any form of creativity. Because knowing I suck at any art form will make me never want to go near it again.

Oh, hello high horse as you come crashing down around me in a cascade of smoke and splinters. 

So, in short, this has been an... interesting revelation. 

One that's been slowly simmering in the background. 

Some of the big things which have contextualised this realisation for me have been:

. parenthood 

. learning to juggle my LittleOne and full-time paid work

. falling out of touch (or falling out of the practice or feeling uninspired or unable - maybe all of the above) with doing Twitter micro-fictions on a regular basis. As this has been my traditional way of maintaining a belief in my creativity for many years, this dearth has been gargantuan gap in my life

. not really doing any other writing (although when I pushed and sacrificed sleep and showed up, eventually the words did too).

But the main small-but-huge thing essential to my realisations has been: whenever I've sat down with LittleOne to do anything arty or crafty. Contrastingly - ironically even - I'm acutely aware of the need to encourage every aspect of creativity that LittleOne wants to explore. But me? Not so much. Not at all.

This has slowly come home to me in the ways in which I would be repeatedly, honestly, delighted with whatever arty outcome LittleOne produced, while being equally, silently, and viciously critical of whatever equivalent I'd created. No matter how much I tried to tell myself 'this is noodling for fun' or 'this is your chance to paint with creative freedom' or 'this is child's play'. Invariably, I would admire LittleOne's paintings and crucify my own. 'Not child-like enough' would quickly morph into 'can't even do child-like paintings'. It's not 100% of the time but it is a consistent note in my internal assessments of whatever I'd created.

It sounds so harsh when I pin it down in words. I'm a good bit aghast to be honest. Even if I can switch it off during the painting/playing process, it's usually there in some niggling or full-throated form at the end.

That I've been mired in a state of resistance-come-discouragement about many different kinds of creativity has been a shock to my system, really. And for a long while, I wasn't quite sure what to do about it.

Eventually an idea surfaced.

I decided I will not grumble about the lack of time, energy, focus, whatever else I can identify that might contribute to me not being productive in my traditional creative space of writing. Instead, I will (try and) embrace the creative forms I'm resistant to, and where I have an overly-loud and very obnoxious inner censor.

I'm doing drawings and doodles and paintings and arty crafty things with my kid, anyway, right? So keep doing it, BUT with the aim of ENJOYING whatever I produce. And sharing it.

That's it. Pretty simple, huh?

I'm calling it a project. I've given it a name too. Colouring it with some importance. 

Introducing: CREATIVITY ON THE QUICK: Creativity around with because of my kid.

I thought about launching this as a new year resolution-type project with some kind of scheduled timeline of sharing, but that was, frankly, too much pressure. 

Instead, I'm easing into it and sharing when there's something worth sharing. 

My 10 rules *

1. Put aside the resistance

2. Have a go

3. Keep it quick, not epic

4. Be playful and childlike

5. Do NOT get judgemental

6. If I like it, try it again

7. If I don't like it, try it again anyway

8. Share my efforts, including past efforts if I want

9. I'm allowed to resort to any 'collaborative' pieces with LittleOne - where I photoshop one of LittleOne's pieces or LittleOne improves one of my efforts

10. If I have any thoughts about the process, I'll share those too

*subject to refinements as needed.

Okay. So that's the project. I'll see how I go with it.

Here's the first showing. Let's call it Rainbow Bird and Rain Bird.

This was a collaboration. LittleOne mixed the paints (pic 1). I spotted what looked like a bright-coloured bird in the paint, took a photo and cropped it (pic 2). I did a photoshop play. I did several, actually. Pic 3 is one of them. 

More to follow soon.

Du fond du coeur x