Dodo Au Go-Go

Once upon a time - summer or winter, late lazy sunlight or freezing darkness - this was what used to greet me when I got home from work. I've forgotten that this used to be a daily thing. Score one hundred for those daily blogs or tweets or drawing pad or diary entries which itemise all the little things that would otherwise be lost forever. Because, one day and sooner than you might think, they become precious memories. To my Bodie-Boy, running joyful and free in his blue nebula, and to my Indi-Girl, who would follow me (almost) anywhere, I love you.

There's been a gap of some twenty months since I last wrote anything here. Basically, as you can see by my previous 2-3 posts, I lost my puppy-boy, Bodie. I grieved, cried, wrote down every single blessed memory of him I had, and cried some more. In-between, life, love and light gathered. Our much-longed-for Little One arrived. Bodie is our sky-angel, and Indi, his sister, is our earth-angel. We're a family of four. In my mind, we'll always be a family of five. Then, in quick succession: I took a new job, we made a giant move interstate and we moved from the four-season climate of the Blue Mountains in New South Wales (emphasis on the freezing-cold bit of the four seasons) to the tropical north. Brisbane, Queensland, where heat, humidity, frangipanis, poincianas and very mild winters reign. For the past year-and-a-bit, we've been building new roots - as you do when you start making the unfamiliar everyday familiar - so you can live in it with some comfort. One...

A few weeks ago, I dreamt about my Bodie-Boy. It was a joyous moment, and he was as happy to see me as I was to see him. It’s the only dream of him I’ve had (that I can remember). It’s been 2 months and several days since we lost Bodie. If I think of him, I still disintegrate into tears. Because I miss him. Because of the way he suffered in his last few days. Because I want to tell him I’m sorry for how he suffered. Because I tried to be with him in his last few days, but I didn’t know how much pain he was in. I really thought he would get better. Because of the way he didn’t want to get into the car for that last trip to the vet. Because he knew. And I didn’t. Because maybe that wasn’t the way he wanted to leave - us, this life. Because I didn’t say the goodbye to him that I wanted to at the vet’s, because I didn’t feel I could get sentimental with all the vet people looking on matter-of-factly, and now I wish I had. And because I’m so sorry. There’ve been all sort...

In the endless magic of the universe, the nebula was a lake of blue mist with clouds of gold rising above it. Dots of white sparkled and shimmered. Cradled and nurtured inside the nebula, the little spirit was azure in colour. It was being born into being. It was being sung to by the stars, and magic and energy hummed and danced through the colours. The little spirit was growing closer to its birth. Then one day, the stars sang extra loud, the nebula of blue lake and gold clouds brightened, and all the white dots pulsed eagerly. A new figure appeared through the stars, running easily towards the nebula. It was dark-blue and dog-shaped. It had pointy, triangular ears and its tail was a little apostrophe, and its big heart cast a silver sheen all around it. It greeted the little spirit with flat ears, a bobbing tail and quiet joy. “I have come from where you are going. I’m your guardian spirit and I will guide you to your new home, and I will watch over you.” In the ...